Children of all ages are bombarded by images of violence in the home, on television, in movies, video games and even in some neighborhoods. According to a published report in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children under the age of five are witnessing domestic abuse in the home at a much higher rate than children in any other age category. Tragically, too many children never experience a basic level of physical and emotional safety.
Exposure to Violence
Safe from the Start:Taking Action on Children Exposed to Violence, a U.S. Department of Justice report, found that children living with domestic violence are at risk for increased emotional and behavioral problems. Exposure to violence can result in the total upheaval of a child's life. There is emotional pain and suffering when a child witnesses one parent abusing the other parent.
Children unconditionally love both their mother and father and when one parent is hitting, slapping or violently acting out toward the other, the child experiences emotional trauma. In November 2000, Full Report of Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women, the report stated that in the United States, approximately 850,000 men and 1.3 million women annually experience violence by a current or former partner. In one country alone, hundreds of thousands of children are growing up with a violent parent.
Children's Emotional Reactions
Every child is different and has his own coping mechanisms by which he reacts to violence. Some children will have:
- Anger: Anger will be directed at the offending parent or toward the victim for not stopping the violence. Anger can also be directed toward self for not being able to protect the mother or father.
- Guilt: The feeling of guilt can arise when feeling responsible for the violence, being disloyal to the family for having negative feelings or thoughts about one or both parents.
- Confusion: If there is emotional abuse by a parent who involves the child in the domestic dispute, confusion sets in over which parent is to be trusted. Conflict over feelings toward parents also adds to the confusion.
- Powerlessness: The inability to stop the violence and fix the family.
- Shame: Often isolation will be hand-in-hand with shame when the child feels he or she is in a dysfunctional family.
- Fear: Fear of the father's or mother's violence, of abandonment, of upheaval and loss of family, of physical harm and of expressing their feelings.
According to Children's Witnessing of Adult Domestic Violence, published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, children may experience increased behavioral difficulties. The emotional trauma experienced will manifest differently in every child. Some may experience sleep disturbances, intensified startled reactions, physical health effects, fear and worry. Depending on how much exposure to violence and duration, will determine what happens to a child as they grow older.
Helping Children Recover
Parents who have children suffering from emotional turmoil as a result of witnessing domestic abuse need to be diligent in helping the child recover. Tips for recovery:
- No matter how difficult it will be, the child needs to feel secure talking about the abusing parent. Regardless of what happened, the offending parent is still a parent.
- Listen to the child's perspective. Hearing what the child needs to say (without interrupting) will help the parent better understand the child and the child will be able to feel safe about sharing his thoughts.
- Reassure the child that the violence was never his fault.
- Children are loyal to both parents. Do not ask or expect the child to take a side.
- If the child does not want to speak about what he witnessed, reassure the child that he can speak about it whenever he is comfortable.
- If the child is experiencing night terrors, is generally scared, nervous, has increased negative behaviors in the home or at school, has started drug or alcohol consumption, then seeking professional intervention may be necessary.
Children are resilient and with help, can grow up to be healthy adults who do not repeat the cycle of spousal abuse.
Karen Stephenson - Karen has written for several newspapers and print media in addition to many online publications. She holds a B.A. in English and an ...
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