When child sexual abuse ( or child molestation ) has been disclosed an essential building block of the child, and an emotional element of the child’s family, has died. Like death, the intolerable pain is a natural reaction and the intense emotions that follow are part of the journey to healing.
It takes time to heal and the length of time is different for everyone involved. Always remember that grieving is not a weakness, it is necessary. It allows individuals to come to terms with the reality of the crime and to focus emotional energy toward the future.
Child Sexual Abuse Mourning
Stage one of grief is shock. Living in a cocoon or as if in dense fog becomes a way of life for what can last for days, weeks and in serious cases, months.
Stage two of grieving is being disorganized. When shock has diminished there may be physical repercussions. The most prevalent is the weakening of your immune system which can make you vulnerable to anything. At this point cascades of negative emotions begin to overwhelm your thoughts. Anger and guilt becomes an emotional anchor. Blaming yourself will be part of the healing process but it is essential to understand that it is not your fault. It was the fault of the man (or woman) who violated your child. Pulling up that emotional anchor takes strength and support from others in your life. Recovery from this stage can take weeks or months.
Stage three is acceptance. You no longer dwell on the abuse and focus on daily tasks. Nightmares may still haunt you on occasion and triggers may cause you to cry when you thought were healed. Remember, it’s okay to cry.
Supporting Your Child
In most cases children do not disclose until they’re into their teenage years or even adulthood. No matter when disclosure happens, remember that they are feeling isolated and highly vulnerable. They were threatened by the perpetrator never to talk. Unless healing happens for them, memories will haunt them and adversely affect them throughout their lives.
For those sexually abused at a young age, their development has been tampered. It can either hold back maturity or push them ahead. Those who have suffered abuse have one or many mental health ailments such as post traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.), depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations. Getting help is crucial no matter what age they disclose in order for them to properly heal and live healthy, productive lives.
For family members supporting the child’s (or adult’s) healing journey, always use encouraging words. Many survivors will complain that people tell them to “get past it”. Remember, sexual abuse survivors may appear to be extremely strong on the outside but in reality they’re falling apart on the inside.
Getting help can be difficult. Those who have lived this nightmare will attest that often what follows deepens the trauma. Family break up, police involvement, court appearances, it can be overwhelming. Remember, you are not alone. Reach out and get support.
Online support is available at Child Sexual Abuse a Parent’s Perspective, an MSN support group.
Good starting points are: The Canadian Mental Health Association and Bikers Against Child Abuse
Karen Stephenson - Karen has written for several newspapers and print media in addition to many online publications. She holds a B.A. in English and an ...
Join the Conversation