- Sexually Abused Children Need to Feel Safe - Kevin Rosseel
When a child discloses they were sexually abused the emotions and feelings a parent experiences can last months and sometimes even years. In many cases, a child sexual abuse disclosure is the onset of a family break up.
Child Abuse Disclosure
Parents experience shock the moment they hear a disclosure of child sexual abuse. There are two different types of disclosure; one is that the child was sexually abused at some point in the past and has kept it a secret due to being threatened and the second form of disclosure is that the abuse just or is currently happening.
Emotions will run wild when a child discloses. There will be extreme guilt, “I should have seen this” is very common and it can take months to lose that guilt. No parent can see sexual abuse happening. Anger, denial, sadness and even depression can be experienced.
Being strong for the child is crucial for his or her ability to get through the tough times that will follow. This is easier said than done, but nonetheless very important. Remaining as calm as possible will provide the child with a comforting environment to talk more freely and to feel as relaxed as possible. When the parent is in control then the child feels more secure with disclosing more details.
It’s also essential for the parent to believe their child. Sexual abuse workers at the York Region Abuse Program state that it is very rare that a child lies about sexual abuse. They also agree with many statistics that the perpetrator is usually always a family member or a close trusted person to the family.
Reassuring the child that they are safe and they will receive all the help you are able to provide needs to be conveyed. If the child has not stated who the perpetrator is, do not badger them. They will reveal this in their own time. Constantly providing positive messages is very important. Let the child know how proud you are for being so courageous to tell. Other important messages to share with the child include:
- I am so sorry this happened to you.
- What happened is not your fault.
- Acknowledge (never minimize) the child’s feelings and fears.
- Always listen to your child.
- Do not make any promises you can not keep.
- Let the child know you must notify the authorities and reassure the child that you will always be by their side when anyone talks with them.
Authorities and Disclosure of Sexual Abuse
When a sexual abuse disclosure is made, report it to the police or to the child protection services. This needs to be done as quickly as possible. The perpetrator may have other victims and therefore the authorities must do what they need to in order to possibly help others.
This process may seem not necessary in the case of a child who was sexually assaulted years ago, but it is very important. Depending on federal laws of the country, charges can only be laid by the victim. Ultimately in many cases these victims never charge their perpetrator because without conclusive evidence the perpetrator can not be convicted. In Canada, victims can sue a perpetrator in civil court because the victim only has to prove there was opportunity and cause.
Child Sexual Abuse Can Split the Family
Parents may find it necessary to reduce further stress by limiting the child's contact with others who are not supportive or believing of their sexual abuse. It may even be necessary to cut off contact with them all together, depending on personal circumstances.
Too many times, child sexual abuse splits families. Perpetrators can be the father, mother, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins and even grandparents. Disbelief happens among family members and if this disbelief becomes entrenched to the point that family member is behaving irrationally or with anger, cutting ties may be essential for the emotional health of the child and for the parent.
Support for Parents
Getting support from those who believe you is essential. If family members have abandoned you, seek out local services. If there are no services available, there is a support group called “Moms of Children who were Sexually Abused” in the Circle of Moms application at Facebook.
There is also Abuse Victims : Help Support a Person in Need that offers an outlet and Child Sexual Abuse: A Parent’s Perspective.
Karen Stephenson - Karen has written for several newspapers and print media in addition to many online publications. She holds a B.A. in English and an ...
